Brands That Never Were – A.I. Generated Awful Candy Mashups
Let me start by saying that I grew up loving candy. I distinctly remember eating Now ‘n Laters, Everlasting Gobstoppers, Runts, and a whole bunch of other candy that I haven’t eaten in a long time.
But it wasn’t just the hard and gooey candies. It was… chocolate. Skor bars, Caramello, Krackel. I loved them all. Halloween was an epic candy-fest, filled with snack-size bars, Sweetart packs, and all kinds of other yummy trick-or-treat yumminess.
Now, imagine a world where our beloved Snickers, Kit Kats, and Twix bars decide to throw a wild party with Skittles, and somehow, things get… interesting. What kind of sugar-fueled alchemy would that create? Would it be a taste sensation or a candy-coated catastrophe? In this whimsical journey through Candyland, we’re diving headfirst into the chaos of candy mashups, where caramel gets cozy with crispy wafers, nougat goes on a blind date with colorful sugar shells, and chocolate tries to hug them all into one bizarrely sweet package.
So, grab your sweet tooth (and maybe a barf bag), and let’s dive into the deliciously weird world of candy mashups. Welcome to Confectionery Chaos, where the only rule is: the more sugar, the better!
#10 – Rolifesavers (Rolo / Lifesavers)
Imagine slowly unwrapping a Rolo, anticipating the smooth, velvety caramel enveloped in rich milk chocolate. But as you bite into this treat, you’re met with an unexpected and unsettling twist. Instead of the familiar, creamy caramel, your teeth sink into a hard, sugary ring—a surprise layer of Lifesavers candy.
The initial bite is a confusing clash of textures. The soft, melting chocolate and the gooey caramel give way to the hard, crunchy Lifesavers, which feel jarringly out of place. The Lifesavers’ artificial fruit flavors—like cherry, orange, and lime—suddenly burst forth, clashing with the sweet, buttery caramel and creamy chocolate. The result is a bizarre and discordant mix of flavors.
The smooth, comforting taste of caramel is overwhelmed by the sharp, overly sweet, and distinctly artificial taste of the Lifesavers. The fruit flavors seem to fight with the chocolate, creating a confusing and unpleasant combination that neither harmonizes nor balances. The contrast between the creamy caramel and the hard candy ring is disconcerting, turning each bite into a struggle between soft and crunchy textures.
As you chew, the Lifesavers pieces refuse to dissolve smoothly, instead breaking into sharp, gritty fragments that stick to your teeth. The chocolate and caramel, instead of melting into a satisfying blend, are interrupted by these hard, sugary intrusions. The aftertaste is a strange mix of lingering artificial fruitiness and cloying caramel sweetness, leaving an unpleasant residue in your mouth.
This mashup is a perplexing and off-putting combination that makes you yearn for the simple pleasures of a classic Rolo or the straightforward taste of Lifesavers—anything but this confusing and unpalatable fusion of flavors and textures.
Editor’s Note: If grandma had given these as a treat when I was a kid, I probably would have visited grandma a lot less.
#9 – Twax (Twix and those little Wax Bottle candy things – originally called Nik-L-Nip)
Picture this: you unwrap what looks like a regular Twix bar, but as you take a bite, the experience is far from ordinary. The familiar snap of the cookie layer is gone, replaced by an unexpected waxy texture that instantly transports you back to those quirky Wax Bottle candies, Nik-L-Nips. As you chew, the wax casing gives way to a rush of overly sweet, syrupy liquid that mingles awkwardly with the chocolate and caramel.
The caramel, rather than its usual creamy consistency, is oddly thick and clings stubbornly to the wax, making each bite a sticky struggle. The chocolate coating, instead of delivering a smooth, satisfying melt, leaves a strange, plasticky residue that lingers unpleasantly. The flavors don’t harmonize; instead, they clash in a bizarre and unsettling way, with the artificial sweetness of the syrup overpowering the more familiar tastes of the Twix.
The result is a confusing and off-putting confection, where every chew is a reminder that some things are better left unmixed.
Editor’s Note: This one sounds exceptionally disgusting, but how much fun is the word Twax? Go ahead – say it a few times and see if it sticks.
#8 – Milky Burst (Milky Way / Starburst)
Imagine eagerly unwrapping a candy bar that looks like a Milky Way, expecting the smooth blend of chocolate, nougat, and caramel. Instead of the soft, fluffy nougat you’re anticipating, you find the dense, chewy texture of a Starburst. The fruit-flavored chew clashes instantly with the smooth chocolate coating, creating a taste that feels wrong in every way.
As you continue chewing, the sweet, sticky caramel tries to mingle with the Starburst’s bold, fruity taste, but instead of blending, they seem to fight each other. The caramel becomes almost painfully sweet, sticking to your teeth and refusing to let go, while the artificial fruit flavors overpower everything else. The chocolate, usually a comforting finish, is lost in the mix, leaving behind a faint, waxy aftertaste that adds to the unpleasantness.
The whole experience is a confusing and jarring clash of flavors and textures. The chewy, fruity Starburst doesn’t mesh with the rich, creamy elements of the Milky Way, resulting in a candy that feels like it’s constantly at odds with itself. It’s an unsettling and oddly off-putting combination that leaves you wishing for the familiar taste of either candy on its own, rather than this strange and unsatisfying mashup.
Editor’s Note: Sounds like the candies that came in the heart shaped boxes you’d get on Valentine’s day in elementary school. You know, the ones that made you wonder if they were actually trying to teach kids about bitter heartbreak early on.
#7 – 3 Sour Patch Kids (3 Musketeers / Sour Patch Kids)
You excitedly bite into what looks like a classic 3 Musketeers bar, expecting the familiar light and fluffy nougat wrapped in smooth milk chocolate. Instead, you’re hit with a bizarre and unsettling surprise. The airy nougat has been replaced with a sticky, sour filling, reminiscent of Sour Patch Kids but with a strangely gooey consistency.
The initial taste is a jarring burst of sourness, sharp and tangy, completely overpowering the expected sweetness of the chocolate. The texture is all wrong, too—the soft, melt-in-your-mouth nougat is gone, replaced by a dense, gummy filling that sticks to your teeth. The sour and sweet flavors don’t blend; instead, they clash in a way that’s both confusing and unpleasant, leaving your taste buds in a state of disarray.
As you try to chew through the mess, the sour filling leaves a lingering, unpleasant aftertaste, with a strange, almost chemical tang that feels out of place. The chocolate, rather than providing a smooth and comforting contrast, seems almost waxy and flavorless in comparison, unable to compete with the overpowering sourness. The experience is a discordant mix of flavors and textures, where the familiar joy of a 3 Musketeers bar is completely lost in a cacophony of sour, sticky, and oddly artificial sensations. It’s a candy combination that leaves you wishing you had stuck with the classics, rather than venturing into this strange and unsettling territory.
Editor’s Note: Anyone that ruins the fun of Sour Patch Kids may need a metaphorical punch to the throat.
#6 – Reese’s Peanut Butter Jolly Ranchers
Oh the favorite – Reese’s. You peel back the wrapper on that lucious peanut butter cup, ready to enjoy the smooth, creamy blend of peanut butter and chocolate. But as you take a bite, you’re greeted with a bizarre and jarring surprise. Instead of the familiar, velvety peanut butter center, you’re met with a hard, crunchy filling that instantly recalls the texture of a Jolly Rancher.
The first sensation is a clash of flavors: the rich, nutty taste of peanut butter mixed with the sharp, artificial sweetness of a Jolly Rancher. The hard candy pieces are embedded throughout the peanut butter, creating an unsettling crunch that feels completely out of place. The flavor combination is strange and discordant, with the fruity, tangy notes of the Jolly Rancher fighting against the earthy, savory taste of the peanut butter.
As you chew, the hard candy shards don’t dissolve; instead, they stick to your teeth and gums, leaving an unpleasant, lingering sensation. The normally smooth and comforting chocolate coating offers little relief, as its sweetness is overwhelmed by the overpowering artificial fruit flavors. The whole experience is a confusing mess of textures and tastes, with the expected harmony of chocolate and peanut butter replaced by a dissonant blend of sticky, crunchy, and sour elements. It’s a candy mashup that leaves you longing for the classic, familiar taste of a Reese’s cup, without the strange and unsettling twist.
Editor’s Note: Mess with my Reese’s and I will cut you! (metaphorically of course.)
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OK, let’s jump back in to our awful candy mashups!
#5 – Twixxlers (Twix and Twizzlers)
You unwrap a Twix bar, ready for the satisfying crunch of cookie, caramel, and chocolate. But as you take a bite, you’re immediately confronted with a strange and unexpected twist. Instead of the familiar cookie crunch, you find yourself chewing on a tough, chewy strand of Twizzler licorice.
The experience begins with an unsettling texture—rubbery and dense, completely out of sync with the smooth caramel and chocolate coating. The sweet, fruity flavor of the Twizzler clashes harshly with the rich, buttery caramel, creating a confusing medley of tastes. The chocolate, instead of being a comforting companion to the other flavors, becomes a bizarre, almost waxy layer that fails to mask the licorice’s distinct artificial fruitiness.
As you continue to chew, the Twizzler strands refuse to blend with the caramel, instead sticking awkwardly to your teeth. The mix of textures is disconcerting: the sticky caramel fights against the chewy licorice, making each bite a struggle. The flavors don’t harmonize; instead, they seem to compete, leaving a strange, saccharine aftertaste that’s both too sweet and oddly tangy.
The result is a chaotic clash of textures and tastes, where the expected pleasure of a Twix bar is completely overshadowed by the bizarre inclusion of Twizzler licorice. It’s a candy combination that leaves you perplexed and unsatisfied, longing for the straightforward enjoyment of each treat on its own, without the unsettling and mismatched fusion.
Editor’s Note: Twixxlers – sounds like the last name of the weird family next door.
#4 – M & Duds (M&M’s and Milk Duds)
Imagine popping a handful of what looks like colorful M&M’s into your mouth, expecting the familiar crunch of the candy shell and the smooth, melty chocolate inside. But instead, you’re met with a strange and unsettling surprise. As you bite down, you find the chocolate center is replaced by a sticky, dense glob of caramel, reminiscent of Milk Duds.
The initial sensation is a confusing mix of textures. The hard candy shell cracks open to reveal a thick, chewy caramel that feels completely out of place. The caramel’s stickiness clings to your teeth, refusing to dissolve, while the candy shell fragments get caught in the mix, creating an uncomfortable crunch that doesn’t blend with the chewy caramel.
The flavor combination is equally jarring. The sweet, creamy taste of the M&M’s chocolate is overwhelmed by the rich, buttery caramel, which in this twisted version, has an unpleasantly burnt, almost bitter undertone. The candy shell, instead of adding a fun crunch, becomes a distracting and gritty element, making the overall experience feel gritty and overly sweet.
As you continue to chew, the caramel’s stickiness becomes more pronounced, coating your mouth and making each bite increasingly uncomfortable. The lingering sweetness is cloying and artificial, leaving a heavy, unpleasant aftertaste that lingers long after you’ve finished the candy. It’s a mashup that takes the worst of both worlds: the sticky, hard-to-manage texture of Milk Duds and the crunchy shell of M&M’s, creating a confectionery disaster that’s more confusing and unpleasant than enjoyable.
Editor’s Note: MMMMM Duds – MMMMMM no.
#3 – Gummifinger (Gummi Bears / Butterfinger)
You grab a bag of gummy bears, expecting the familiar chewy, fruity treat. But as you bite into one, you’re met with an unsettling surprise: inside the soft gummy exterior is a layer of crunchy, flaky Butterfinger filling. This unexpected combination creates a bizarre and jarring contrast of textures.
The first bite is a confusing mix of soft and crunchy. The gummy bear’s chewy texture quickly gives way to the Butterfinger’s crisp layers, which crumble into your mouth with a dry, brittle sensation. The fruit-flavored gummy, usually a refreshing burst of sweetness, now mixes awkwardly with the rich, peanut-buttery taste of the Butterfinger, creating a flavor combination that feels all wrong.
The fruitiness of the gummy bears clashes with the intense, nutty sweetness of the Butterfinger, leading to a confusing taste experience. The familiar Butterfinger crunch, instead of being a satisfying texture contrast, becomes a gritty, sandy sensation that feels completely out of place in a gummy candy.
As you chew, the flavors refuse to meld; the fruity gummies seem almost sour in contrast to the rich, overly sweet Butterfinger center. The gummy bears’ usual soft chewiness becomes a sticky, cloying mess when combined with the dry, crumbly Butterfinger filling, making each bite feel more uncomfortable than the last. The combination leaves an unpleasant aftertaste, a muddled mix of artificial fruit and lingering peanut butter that doesn’t sit well on the palate.
It’s a candy mashup gone wrong, where the beloved characteristics of each treat—gummy bears’ fun chewiness and Butterfinger’s crunchy, nutty goodness—are lost in a strange and unsatisfying fusion. The result is a confusing, unappealing mix that leaves you wishing for the separate joys of each candy, rather than this mismatched and disappointing blend.
Editor’s Note: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
#2 – KitTarts (Kit Kat / Sweetarts)
Imagine breaking off a piece of what looks like a classic Kit Kat bar, ready to enjoy the satisfying crunch of wafer and smooth chocolate. But as you take a bite, you’re met with an unexpected and jarring surprise. Instead of the familiar crisp wafer, your teeth sink into a strange, chalky layer of Sweetarts filling.
The initial sensation is a confusing mix of textures. The crisp wafer has been replaced with a gritty, powdery substance that immediately dissolves into a tangy, sour burst. The chocolate coating, instead of being a smooth, creamy contrast, seems to melt away too quickly, leaving the tartness of the Sweetarts filling to dominate the taste.
The flavors are all wrong together. The rich, sweet chocolate fights against the intensely sour and artificial fruitiness of the Sweetarts, creating a clashing taste experience that feels entirely out of place. The usual enjoyment of the Kit Kat’s light, crispy texture is lost in a confusing mix of chalky, sour filling and rapidly disappearing chocolate.
As you chew, the Sweetarts filling leaves a strange, almost metallic aftertaste, with the sourness lingering unpleasantly on your tongue. The chocolate, instead of offering relief, only seems to amplify the jarring contrast, making each bite more disconcerting than the last. The whole experience is a discordant mix of sweet and sour, creamy and chalky, that leaves you wishing for the simple pleasure of a regular Kit Kat or the straightforward tang of Sweetarts—anything but this unsettling mashup.
Editor’s Note: Remember the house everyone avoided at Halloween because their candy sucked? This mashup would be why.
#1 – Snittles (Snickers/Skittles)
Unwrapping a Snickers bar, you expect the delicious combination of nougat, caramel, peanuts, and chocolate. But as you take a bite, you’re confronted with a surprising and unsettling twist. Instead of the familiar crunch of peanuts, your teeth encounter a mix of chewy Skittles, adding an unexpected burst of fruity flavor.
The first sensation is a confusing clash of textures. The smooth, creamy nougat and gooey caramel are interrupted by the chewy, slightly hard Skittles, which feel completely out of place amidst the usually harmonious layers. The rich chocolate and caramel flavors are suddenly overshadowed by the artificial, sugary sweetness of the Skittles, creating a bizarre and jarring taste experience.
The flavors refuse to blend harmoniously. The Skittles’ intense fruitiness—think citrus, berry, and grape—clashes violently with the nutty, savory elements of the Snickers. Instead of enhancing the taste, the fruit flavors seem to compete with the chocolate, making the whole experience feel chaotic and disjointed.
As you continue to chew, the Skittles’ hard shells contrast sharply with the creamy nougat and caramel, creating a discordant texture that feels more like a candy mishap than a treat. The overall effect is a confusing mix of sweet and fruity, nutty and creamy, leaving a strange aftertaste that lingers unpleasantly. It’s a candy mashup that feels more like a culinary experiment gone wrong, leaving you craving the familiar satisfaction of a classic Snickers or the simple, straightforward sweetness of Skittles—anything but this perplexing and off-putting combination.
Editor’s Note: Pretty sure the witch in Hansel and Gretel decorated her house with these.
#1 – BONUS! Raisinerds (Raisinets / Nerds)
Imagine reaching for a handful of Raisinets, expecting the comforting blend of plump raisins coated in smooth milk chocolate. But as you pop them into your mouth, you’re met with an unexpected and jarring twist. Instead of the familiar soft chew of the raisins, you encounter the sharp, crunchy texture of Nerds candy mixed in, creating a bizarre and unsettling contrast.
The first bite is a cacophony of textures. The soft, chewy raisins are suddenly interrupted by the hard, gritty crunch of Nerds, which feel completely out of place in the usually smooth chocolate coating. The raisins’ natural sweetness is overshadowed by the intense, sour tang of the Nerds, creating a clash of flavors that feels jarring and disorienting.
The chocolate, instead of providing a creamy backdrop, becomes a strange intermediary that fails to harmonize the fruitiness of the raisins with the artificial, tart punch of the Nerds. The result is a confusing taste experience where the raisin’s earthy sweetness and the Nerds’ sugary sharpness compete for dominance, leaving your taste buds bewildered.
As you chew, the Nerds’ hard bits don’t dissolve, instead clinging to your teeth and gums, creating an unpleasant gritty sensation. The raisins, normally a pleasant chewy contrast to the smooth chocolate, become an odd afterthought in the mix, their flavor drowned out by the overpowering sourness of the Nerds. The whole experience is a discordant mix of textures and flavors, where the expected enjoyment of a classic treat is lost in a confusing and unsatisfying blend of tastes. It’s a candy mashup that leaves you craving the simple pleasure of a regular Raisinets or the playful crunch of Nerds—anything but this perplexing and unappealing combination.
Editor’s Note: What are nerd parents doing? Raisinerds! Ok, sorry, but I had to…
And there you have it, folks—a whirlwind tour through the chaotic world of candy mashups, where not all sweet dreams come true. From Rolifesavers to who-knows-what-else, it’s clear that some things are just better left un-mashed. So, next time you’re tempted to get creative in the candy aisle, maybe stick to the classics—or be prepared for a flavor adventure you might not want to repeat!
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If you liked this blog, be sure to check out our AI generated Garbage Pail Kids!
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